Children's Story Feedback for Friends

The monster who never missed 

page1; This is Huey, the monster who never missed.

page2; Huey never missed a day of school.

page3; Huey never missed a day of church

page4; And Huey never missed his favorite show that came on every night.

page5; When Huey got older, he got into sports, music, and all types of things.

page6; When Huey played basketball, he never missed a shot.

page7; when he played the violin, he never missed a note

page8; and when his friends needed him, he never missed a call.

page9; Everybody loved Huey.

page10; as Huey went through his life, he got use to never missing!

page11; Until the day came, that he finally missed...

page12; That day was very tragic for Huey.

page13; Huey started missing school, missing his jump shot, and missing his notes on his violin.

page13; This was very unusual for Huey. he started to notice people weren't treating him the same anymore.

page14; Huey never misses.

page15; Huey never knew why until...

page16; he noticed the missing piece, and Huey never misses.

page17.  Huey noticed when he got older he started to mislead people causing everybody to have the wrong idea of who he really was.

page18;

1. I think the use of the word "Huey" could be a little less, but I love that name and think it fit's perfectly!

2. You could always talk a bit more about what other things he missed out on, and how he fixed it!

3. Think of a good ending on how he came back from missing all of the things he did, and how he fixed it!

I loved how you made it very realistic and about things that happen in real life, and how people feel. 

I also loved how you made him a very diverse kid, who played basketball and did violin! I loved that and feel like it teaches kids they don't have to be set to a certain standard.

Peter Harp Seal

Peter is a harp seal. He loves to play with his best friend, Stella. Peter and Stella like to play pirate. Stella likes to be the captain, and wear an eyepatch. Peter likes to wear a peg flipper and yell “Arrrrrggggg.” They played pirate everywhere they went. They played it at recess, on the school bus, at Peter’s house, and they even played it at the grocery store! One day, Peter and Stella decided to play pirate in Peter’s backyard. Peter poked Stella with his wooden sword, and Stella told him to walk the plank! Just as Peter was about to jump, he noticed something shiny at the edge of his Mom’s seaweed garden. “What is that?” Peter asked Stella while pointing his peg flipper in the direction of the shiny object. “I don’t know,” Stella replied, “But we’re about to find out.” They swam to the garden’s edge, and dusted the sand off the foreign object. (I’m not sure what I want them to find yet, but I know I want them to use it as treasure in their game. I also want it to belong to another seal who doesn’t have any friends, so they end up returning it to him and letting him play pirate with them.)

1. Try to work on not making the sentences so choppy!

2. Maybe try to add another character into the story to make things super interesting!

3. Make the ending super awesome and unexpected to go along with the story!

I love how you made these two best friends and they went on an adventure. I love the imagination